T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak
How many times have you opened your mouth, and the words that came spewing out were the absolute wrong thing to say? I’ll admit to doing this a time or two (million). Dealing with teens, it seems that this happens on both sides quite often. “Is that what you’re wearing to the movies? I thought you were wearing your new jeans.” I’ll ask, wanting to add that it looks nice. Before I can continue, my daughter feels like I’m judging her and says, “What’s wrong with this outfit? Critical much?” Instead of simply explaining myself, I respond out of frustration, “How am I being critical? Sensitive much?” Before you know it, we are locked in a battle of wills, fighting over a compliment I was going to give her. WHY?
Honestly, that one was my fault. I didn’t take the time to T.H.I.N.K. before I made my comment. Taking a moment to run through the T.H.I.N.K. assessment before speaking can do wonders for our communication skills.
T.H.I.N.K.
- T = Is it True?
- H = Is it Helpful?
- I = Is it Inspiring?
- N = Is it Necessary?
- K = Is it Kind?
In the clothing conversation I had with my daughter, I Truly did think she was wearing her new jeans, but was it Helpful for me to question her choice of clothing? Even though there was a misunderstanding, was it Inspiring for her to feel like I didn’t approve of her choice? Was it Necessary for me to comment on her choice at all? Again, even though I didn’t mean to make her feel like I was judging her, it wasn’t Kind in her mind for me to seem critical. I failed the T.H.I.N.K. test.
If I had taken a moment to concentrate on my choice of words and simply said, “You look nice. I hope you enjoy the movie.” There was no room for misinterpretation. Effective communication requires pausing a moment to T.H.I.N.K. before we speak.
With so much communication being done online via email, text, social media, etc. we are all having a more difficult time gauging tone online and in the real world. T.H.I.N.K. is a great tool to use to better our skills and create more harmony in our lives. Give it a try! Share your new communication secret with your friends on social media!
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