How many of you feel like you’re in the middle of a circus, juggling while more is being thrown at you, praying you don’t mess up and send everything crashing down all around? I would raise my hand, but I wouldn’t be able to keep all of my balls in the air!
Managing my family members’ schedules is a full-time job. Arranging carpool drop-offs and pick-ups for different schools and practices, planning and preparing meals, running errands, balancing the budget, handling finances, helping with homework, getting groceries, cleaning the house, purging the closets of old clothing and shoes, walking the dogs, pulling weeds, and assisting with keeping peace and harmony at home while trying to maintain healthy, balanced lives for those I love most has left me feeling tired in a way that make the sleepless newborn nights seem delightful!
I know I’m not alone in this. My friends who have teens feel the same way. We are all trying to maintain balance, order, and happiness for our families out of love, but we are left feeling run down and slightly bitter. I find myself frustrated that I’m not feeling the appreciation that I crave for all of the things I do to make life easier on everyone else and worried that I’m raising a household of “takers.”
Of course, I know that everyone in my family contributes to keeping the household running, but I get frustrated when I’m “in the weeds” (to use a restaurant phrase of being overwhelmed with too many things to do) and my husband is snoring on the couch with the tv blaring, my son is playing video games and yells down that he’s hungry and scoffs at my suggestion to make a sandwich, or my daughter tells me she needs supplies for a project ASAP.
I actually hit my limit on a Sunday recently when I was juggling painting a room in the house while doing laundry while making mental notes on an upcoming article I was writing while trying to coordinate driving the kids to their church activities while preparing my grocery list, etc. I realized that I can’t physically, mentally, or emotionally sustain a life in which my down time was by far the last priority. Everyone else in the house manages to find time for relaxation, so why wasn’t I?
After thinking about this for a while, I discussed my efforts around the house with the contributions of my family and pointed out the imbalance. I told them that I was feeling run down and unappreciated and some changes needed to happen. I realized that I could no longer juggle so much. Of course, I didn’t just want to “drop the ball” (pun intended) and go on strike, even though that did sound somewhat appealing, I just wanted my family to take some of the balls I had been juggling.
We had a family meeting, and everyone had a chance to share their ideas to pitch in more to keeping our household running smoothly, and I am happy to say that my teens aren’t total takers after all. The big issue, as with anything, has been communication. I want them to just jump in and help, but I learned that my way of communicating my need for help with frustrated huffs and snapping that no one ever helps misses the mark. Sure, it made them feel a little guilty, but it didn’t offer them specific ways to help out more. My expectation was that they would just want to help because they wouldn’t want to see their mom struggling. I felt like Jennifer Aniston’s character Brooke speaking to her boyfriend Gary (played by Vince Vaughn) in the movie “The Break Up” about wanting him to want to do the dishes! I’d bet that most women completely understand her line of thinking. Of course, Gary can’t imagine anyone actually wanting to do the dishes.
My son hit the nail on the head when he said that I should ask for help and not expect them to be mind readers.
As much as I hate to admit being wrong, my son was right. I need to communicate my needs effectively. Although it would be nice if everyone in my house went out of their way to make my life better without being prompted, I need the assistance more than I need my ego stroked.
As a family, we brainstormed the household tasks that they can do and fit in with their busy school and extra-curricular schedules during the school year and what they can do over the summer. Being ultra-organized, I wanted to create a shared online calendar with the chores listed or create a SignUpGenius for tasks that needed to be accomplished each week. The kids thought that was overkill, so we decided on a weekly meeting to discuss who was doing what. My husband made fabulous meals all weekend, power-washed, cleaned up the backyard, did some laundry, and painted. The kids handled dishes, changed their sheets, did laundry, helped with meal prep. I can’t wait until summer because the kids are going to start doing some meal planning and cooking (which are skills they need anyway). I got to spend some time reading outside!
Let’s hope I can stick to the plan of communicating my needs to ease the juggle!
How does your family contribute to your household? We always love to hear from our readers.
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Dan says
I’m with you on people you are living with should just SEE that there are things needing to be done. I think they should not have to be told what to do, it is obvious. I think there are a lot of takers in the world and therefore DO need telling that they can share in the responsibility for the place they live in. I wish it was a perfect world, but…
Melissa says
I talk to the kids all the time about being givers not takers. I feel like it’s a losing battle sometimes, but I keep planting seeds, praying they sprout. I actually should write something about dealing with takers. Thanks for the inspiration!