Surviving College Sendoff
My Facebook feed has been filled with pictures of parents taking their children to college; many for the first time. My oldest is a junior in college, and I remember feeling so nervous two years ago for this new chapter in his life. I worried if he was ready to take on the responsibilities of a college student, successfully do his own laundry, to keep his dorm clean enough, take care of himself, make good friends, etc. As parents, we worry, and worry, and worry some more. I could have driven myself crazy. Granted, it wouldn’t have been a far drive.
While shopping for all of the endless items I thought he needed to survive (thank you Target and Amazon), I kept reminding myself that if I had done my job correctly, he would be independent enough to stand on his own two feet. This has become my parenting mantra. My kids are definitely sick of hearing me say it!
I found this quote that perfectly sums up what parenting is:
To raise a child who is comfortable enough to leave you means you’ve done your job. They are not ours to keep but to teach how to soar on their own. – Author Unknown
But how do we know if we are doing what we need to do so that they are ready to soar? We teach and guide them the best we can. We hold them accountable for their actions and don’t move the bar because they almost fulfilled their obligations. We let them make some mistakes along the way, so they can learn problem-solving skills. We set standards and expectations high but realistic. We support them without doing everything for them. We help them learn to set goals and manage their time without micro-managing their every move. We teach life skills and study skills. Perhaps the most important thing we do is to model the behaviors and habits we want them to have. Let’s face it, they usually do as we do, not as we say. Trust in this process of independence.
It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings. – Ann Landers
Of course, sometimes they need little reminders to do those things they have been taught!
We have to remember that children are not here to support our dreams, but parents can and should the biggest supporters for their kids’ dreams. Continue to be consistent, reliable, and strong in character to give your children the best chance at success. Enjoy the fruits of your labor! It is incredible how the parent/child relationship changes and matures when they leave the nest. My dad recently commented after visiting that Andrew didn’t seem like a grand-child any more. He said he had turned into a man.
Of course, deep down, they’ll always be our babies.
No matter how big he gets, I’ll always cherish our relationship and the way it evolves! Saying good-bye does get easier, I promise!
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