Summertime, Freedom, and Consequences
With the first day of school knocking on our doors (or in many cases, those doors have opened), I find myself wishing I had accomplished more with the kids this summer. We were busy with vacations, friends, lessons, and camps, but there was entirely too much sleeping in and playing Fortnite! I regret not doing more driving lessons with my 15 year old and not teaching my daughter to use the sewing machine to make pillows. I question what impact the lack of mental stimulation will have on them when school starts. Waves of guilt keep washing over me. Why didn’t we do more? Why didn’t we have a better routine? Why didn’t I set up stricter rules about screen time? Why? Why? Why?
With the loop of “why?”s running through my mind, I feel like I’ve been a bad mom. Doubting myself leads me to question all of my parenting choices, and I do NOT want to get sucked down that rabbit hole! Instead, I’m trying to put things into perspective. I know I am a good mother. I’m certainly not perfect, but I am working hard to raise some pretty incredible kids.
Then end of the school year left my kids burned out. They are very active kids in a very competitive school system. They work hard at academics and sports, with hours spent on homework and practices. Staying up late to study was the norm. My intuition should have showed me that they needed a break.
Downtime is very important to restoring balance. The saying, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy,” should really be, “All work and no play make Jack super stressed and grouchy!” We all need to recharge our batteries, and summer presents the perfect opportunity for students to decompress. So what if they sleep a little later? So what if they hang out with their friends a little more? So what if they don’t find the cure for cancer?
Unstructured time can be very beneficial. Having a choice in scheduling their day to day activities helps them develop decision-making skills. It also teaches that actions have consequences. They can choose to play video games into the wee hours of the morning, but they quickly learn the consequence of that is that it’s difficult to perform at peak level at camp early the next morning. They can choose to put off doing laundry, but they will learn the consequence of waiting when they run out of clean underwear.
If I really stop to think about it, they are learning to become independent and self-sufficient. Honestly, to be independent, they have to learn how to make their own decisions; not just do what they are told. We should give them a framework in which they can operate, but managing their time within the boundaries needs to be their responsibility. They should know what they need to do and have a deadline to complete their tasks. They have to have the ability to balance getting chores done with having time for relaxation and fun. With the freedom of managing their own schedule comes the responsibility of consequences if they can’t properly manage their time. To me, the goal of parenting is to raise children to be able to spread their wings and succeed on their own. Help me remember this next year when I start panicking about what the kids didn’t do over the summer. I need to remind myself that lessons are still being learned, even without being in a classroom.
I’m keeping this quote handy for the kids and myself! Will you? I’m going to put it on my Dry Erase Memo Board!
“You are free to make whatever choice you want, but you are not free from the consequences of the choice.” – Unknown
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