Ready, Set, Reframe! Turn Negatives into Positives
Bad news, unexpected expenses, relationship problems, health issues…All of these things will happen at one point or another, but how do we react when something doesn’t go according to plan? It is very easy to get caught up in a downward spiral of negativity, but isn’t there a better way to deal with disappointment? Of course there is, and it’s called reframing.
Reframing means taking negative thoughts or reactions to a situation and replacing them with more positive and productive thoughts. Think of it like photo-editing filters. You can take a picture of something and apply different filters to elicit different emotions. The subject of the photo is the reality, but the filters change the mood and tone. Choosing the right filter can make the reality seem better.
Applying reframing techniques allows us to be more positive in our lives. It is not to dismiss or sweep things under the rug. To succeed at reframing we need to:
- Look at the situation accurately. We need to see reality as it is, not a worse version and not a rainbows and unicorns version. We can’t sweep things under the rug like they never happened or believe that one bad thing will cause everything to come crashing down around us. Accept that our lives will be filled with ups and downs. The difficult times can be made better through reframing, but we have to accept the truth. We won’t always get the job or make the team. Life is full of setbacks. We must assess our situations and find ways to succeed.
- Understand our strengths. Realizing that we are stronger than we thought we were shifts power back into our hands. We all have an amazing ability to cope and learn. Using those talents can guide us through tough times. Dealing with an illness, going through a divorce, and getting fired are all emotionally draining, but we have the power within ourselves to stand up and march on, learning and growing as we go. Take advantage of our resources. We have mental fortitude and have people in our lives that can help lift us up. Don’t shrink in the face of adversity. Avoid becoming victims of our circumstances.
- Shift our viewpoint to one that is more positive. Good things come from less-than-ideal situations. When we encounter a negative event, it is important to practice having several positive thoughts related to the negative situation. It changes our focus for the better. When my garage door opener broke and couldn’t be repaired, I was frustrated. I didn’t have room in the budget for the unexpected expense of replacing it. I work from home and have busy children, so I spend a large part of my day going in and out of the garage. Instead of focusing only on the cost and inconvenience (the negatives), I listed off several positives. “I’m thankful I have a garage. Being able to park in the garage keeps my car cooler and protects the interior from sun damage. I never have to unload groceries in the rain. This new garage door opener has updated technology, and I can open and close the doors with an app on my phone from anywhere.” Looking at the positive aspects helps minimize the negatives, leaving us feeling better overall.
- View situations as opportunities for growth. This goes back to the “life lessons” my kids say I love to teach (insert teen eye-rolling), but I do try to look at events as teachable moments. If we don’t get a promotion we wanted, we can wallow in self-pity or we can look at ways to make ourselves more marketable. We can take a class to expand our skills, work on our interview presence, adjust our resume to better reflect our abilities, or focus on how to make improvements in the workplace that add value to ourselves and our work environment.
Life is tough, but we have the strength within ourselves and within our support group to keep us moving forward. I used these to cope with my very difficult divorce. Accepting that my life plan, my love, my security, and my world would forever change could have left me depressed on the couch or at the bottom of a bottle. Instead I recognized that my life would be different; drew strength from myself, my family, and my friends; looked at the positives; gained many new skills; and reframed my life into something pretty awesome! After processing and moving forward, I have met and married and amazing man. My children are all doing well, and I get along well with my ex. This has all been achieved through choosing to stand tall and taking charge of making my life better through the power of being positive.
Try implementing reframing techniques. The more we use them, the easier they become. Share your insights with us.
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