Looking back over our lives should show a path strewn with setbacks. We all know that no one is perfect, yet we hold ourselves to ridiculous standards that can paralyze us with a fear of failure. I have always been a perfectionist. It is a fault on which I constantly strive to improve. As a child, I imposed such high standards for myself that I found myself afraid to try new things. I figured if I couldn’t be perfect at it out of the gate, there was no point of doing it. I didn’t want to mess up and let myself down. These things included trying out for sports’ teams, running for positions, and even applying to job postings.
It is very easy for me to recognize when others are choosing inactivity over the possibility of failure. I’ve had conversations with two of my children about why they weren’t taking shots in basketball. They didn’t want to miss. I had to remind them that professional players don’t make all of their shots, so how could they think that they needed to sink them all. One of my favorite quotes is from NHL hockey legend, Wayne Gretzky, who simply said that, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
I have helped friends overcome objections to trying new paths in life because at the root of it all, there was simply a fear of failure. I have given pep talks to family, friends, and even strangers; however, I find myself frozen at times. One of my biggest regrets was not submitting an Honor’s Thesis I worked on for a year in college for publishing in a professional journal. My advisor did everything she could to get me to publish it, but I came up with reason after reason not to…I was about to graduate and get married and didn’t have the focus; rewriting it for submission would take up too much time as I was preparing for finals; etc. Those excuses insulated me from my fear of the thesis getting rejected, which would make me feel that I was being rejected. Of course, I completely understand how ridiculous that is, yet fear of failure still takes hold. This has to change.
I am inspired by inventor Thomas Edison’s outlook on life. As a successful inventor, he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Life is a series of trial and error events. Some hit the target and others miss. If we accept failure as part of our normal path of life, I think we would all be happier and more productive. Failure is more about missing opportunities for growth than not succeeding. I recently wrote about how sometimes not getting the things we want turns out to be better in the end in “The Best Thing that Never Happened.” Check it out!
If you are tired of standing still, let’s take on this crazy, messy, beautiful journey called LIFE! Join me in shedding the paralysis of perfectionism.
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