Sitting in the waiting area of my car dealership while my car is being serviced gives me the opportunity to people watch. Seeing how people behave and interact with others is fascinating, and I always try to understand people’s actions. I see a mom trying to corral a toddler who has enough energy for the entire waiting area. She loves this little boy to pieces, but you can see he is wearing her out. She probably has several other places to be today too. There is the self-absorbed woman speaking so loudly on her cell phone that she can be heard all of the way to the sales floor. I really don’t want to hear the details of her latest argument with her ex, but I can’t tune it out. Maybe if I was wearing headphones and singing out loud like the twenty-something across from me, I could avoid eavesdropping. There is also a businessman loudly pecking away at his laptop. I’m sure he must be important with the enthusiasm by which he attacks the keyboard.
What I don’t notice is anyone engaged in an actual conversation. Heads are bent down staring into cell phones and tablets. I’m pondering if electronic devices are a way to stay connected or to disconnect from the human race when I hear a very rude tone coming from an obviously dissatisfied customer at the service desk. It is the man who was working on his computer. He is frustrated that his car isn’t ready and is actually berating the employee saying things like, “Don’t you know how important MY time is?” and “Is EVERYONE in this place completely incompetent?” The poor employee using all of the customer service skills he could muster, tries to calm the customer down by apologizing. This customer doesn’t want an apology; he wants his car NOW. The tongue lashing continues, and I can see the employee reaching his breaking point. He is trying to figure out how much longer it will be until the car is ready while the customer is muttering in a stage whisper hurtful words like “incompetent,” “lazy,” and “worst customer service.” The employee is apologizing for the delay and assures him his car will be ready in 10-20 minutes. The customer continues to grumble and finally comes back to the waiting area in a huff.
I see a new customer approach the service desk. The employee is not the same friendly man he was when I arrived and checked in. His tone is sharp. His smile is absent. I know the actions of the angry customer who lashed out at him for something that was beyond the employee’s control has taken its toll on this poor service desk employee.
This course of events reminded me of two questions my dad used to say throughout my childhood whenever someone was in a really bad mood. “Who’s cat are you kicking?” or “Who kicked your cat?” I occasionally say this today. Of course, I had no idea where this saying came from, so I called my dad. My father is an amazing man who strives to become better and to lift up those around him with helpful tips, advice, and support. I asked him where he got the sayings about the poor abused cat. He got them from listening to motivational speaker Zig Ziglar on cassette tape (it was the 80’s). Listen to the full “Kick the Cat” story from Zig Ziglar.
The gist of the story is that a high-ranking executive gets a speeding ticket, which greatly angers him. He goes to work and chews out his sales manager. The sales manager blows up at his administrative assistant who yells at the receptionist who goes home and snaps at her son. She sends him to his room, and on the way to his bedroom he kicks the cat out of frustration. The question “Wouldn’t it have been better for the executive to just have gone directly to the cat?” is posed.
Of course, that is a ridiculous notion. What did the cat do to the executive? Nothing! The same goes for the sales manager who did nothing to the executive to warrant his wrath or the assistant to the sales manager or the receptionist to the administrative assistant or the son to the administrative assistant or the cat to the son!
Psychologists call this lashing out at others for no real reason “displaced aggression.” We should all strive to avoid taking out our frustrations on innocent people.
It is disappointing that this man’s car service wasn’t completed in a timely manner, but the employee at the service desk didn’t have control over how quickly the mechanics completed the task. After being the recipient of the customer’s displaced aggression, his mood was harmed, and it affected his interactions with the next customer. You can easily see how this can spiral to “kicking the cat.” That is obviously a metaphor and not a support of animal (or human) cruelty!
What steps can we take to stop this displaced aggression? First and foremost, we need to remember we should treat people the way we would like to be treated. We need to deal with frustrations and find constructive ways to solve our problems and stop lashing out at those around us. If we find ourselves being the kicked cat, we need to recognize that the person who reacted irrationally was out of line, but their bad behavior is not an excuse for us to behave in hurtful ways. If we witness someone being verbally kicked, think about the positive impact a few friendly words could have on disrupting the downward spiral. Being less glued to our screens and more in tune with the happenings around us allows us to connect with others on a personal level and empathize with their frustrations.
After being called to the service counter to provide some missing information on my account, I made sure to compliment the employee on how dedicated he seemed coordinating such a busy service department. He smiled and said that he wished more people felt that way. I told him that unfortunately, the happy customers are more quiet than the angry ones.
I sat back down in the waiting area and struck up a conversation with the busy mom. I recounted some stories of my children making the most of running errands with me. I reminded her that juggling it all can be difficult and told her she was doing a great job! The woman on the cell phone ended her call and joined in the conversation and shared stories about her daughter. Even the singing twenty-something pulled out an earbud from one ear and started playing peek-a-boo with the toddler. The vibe of the waiting area seemed to shift from one of isolation to true connection. Even the angry customer looked up from his laptop, cracked his knuckles, and observed the scene before him. As a slow smile spread across his face, he commented to the mom that he couldn’t wait to get home and see his son who was arriving home from college for a weekend visit. He told the mom that in the blink of an eye, they grow up and to enjoy the busy time.
Through personal interactions we have opportunities to enrich our lives and the lives of those around us. Don’t kick a cat; make someone smile by making a connection. Focus on treating people the way we wish to be treated. We need to do our part to make this a friendlier and happier world!
What are we doing to bring positivity into other people’s lives? Those actions enrich our lives as well. How do you make your corner of the world a better place? Leave us a comment!
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