Balance, Boundaries, and Breaking Points
Lately I’ve been feeling like my life is a three-ring circus, and I am no longer the Ringmaster or the Strong Man (see The Juggle Is Real and Running on Empty to see the common theme). I’ve become a tightrope walker dangerously trying to balance while up in the air. Stress is coming at me from all directions. Pressures from trying to balance family, household, finances, physical health, mental health, social life, etc. are weighing me down and causing me to wobble. I’m sure most of you can relate.
With the stress I have been feeling, I have noticed how quickly I am hitting my boiling point. I’m snapping at my family, crying over little things (including commercials), and suffering from extreme fatigue. Something needs to change, and change quickly, or I will hit my breaking point and really blow!
Before an explosion happens, I have decided to hit pause, assess my situation, and formulate a plan for improvement. Try these tips along with me, and let me know how they work.
Identify Stressors –
- I have too much on my plate. I don’t schedule time for myself.
- Everyone else’s wants and needs come before mine.
- I feel frustrated by the expectation that I can take care of everything.
- My days are usually spent running, but I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.
Identify Solutions –
- Making a schedule can help me better prepare for each day.
- Prioritize tasks, and handle those that are most important first.
- Stop trying to do too much at once, aka multitasking.
- Setting literal and figurative boundaries can shift the household mentality that Mom can always do it. Saying “no” to things that aren’t necessary can free up time.
Implement Solutions –
- Each evening, I will start scheduling my tomorrow. Taking charge of planning gives me the control I need to stay on top of things. Whether in an online task app, online calendar, planner, or notecard, I will make a to-do list and rank them in order of importance, estimating how much time it will take to complete each task.
- I will spend the bulk of my at-home work time in my office upstairs instead of on my laptop in the kitchen to minimize interruptions and allow myself to fully focus on the tasks at hand. Would it be rude to instill a rule to stop myself from saying “What?’ to the first time one of the kids yells “Mom…” from another room? I have found that usually whatever they want isn’t important enough to come and find me but ignoring them may be bordering on passive/aggressive behavior.
- Delegate things that I can to others. Everyone in my house contributes to household chores, but the mental load of making sure everything gets done falls on me. I need to pass on the responsibility of the job, not just the task. I am often guilty of doing things myself because I like the way I do it (insert chore here: load the dishwasher, fold laundry, make the bed, etc.). Does the way the kids fold their laundry really make a difference in my life? I will continue to rearrange the dishwasher just to maximize space, but I wish I didn’t have to…
- Scheduling work hours, chore hours, family hours, and self hours will hopefully allow me to fully focus on each type of activity instead of doing too much multi-tasking. I need to stop trying to write while I’m prepping for dinner, doing laundry, and helping with homework. Nothing gets my full attention, and I am wasting time getting recentered. Taking some time each day for myself will allow me to focus on my physical and mental well-being, and I hope to add a better exercise regimen and time for reading into my daily routine.
- My good friend Laura gave me some great advice years ago. She said that it is always ok to turn down a request. A polite “no thank you” can be given when we are asked to do something we don’t have the time, energy, or interest to do, and (gasp!) we don’t even have to give a reason why. This boundary continues to be a struggle for me. I enjoy helping others, but there are many people out there who, unfortunately, will take advantage of givers.
These ideas should help me regain control of my schedule. Being pulled tightly in different directions has left me ready to snap. I need to focus on working smarter, not harder. Organization, once again, comes to my rescue. Of course, I have to remain flexible, because nothing ever goes fully according to plan in this house of cards!
Keeping sight of what is important in life will help us better prioritize our duties and obligations. Taking time to nurture ourselves will allow us to be better available for those who need us. My family means the world to me!
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