I have always been more of a “saving for a rainy day” kind of gal, while my husband is more of a “enjoy it now because we may not be here tomorrow” kind of guy. I tend to focus my financial goals on having enough for retirement, healthcare issues that may arise with age, college for the kids, etc. I’d rather sacrifice today to have enough for tomorrow. In college, a professor told us that the only things worth going in debt over were our education and our home. I cringe every month making our two car payments and wonder why we didn’t get something cheaper. I justify it by realizing I kept my last car for 10 years and spent many years without paying an auto loan, but it still makes me feel bad. My hubby wants to Carpe Diem (Seize the Day) and enjoy life to its fullest. “Why wait to take the vacation? Make memories now!” are his thoughts. Both of our attitudes toward money are somewhat flawed.
Balance is always the key. We don’t want to be in a constant tug of war between spending and saving. Having enough for the future while being able to enjoy life today should be our goal. How do we achieve the right balance?
I think it begins with clear communication about money. Most people get very uncomfortable talking about money. It may stem from how they were brought up. I know many people who were told by their parents that their finances were the parents’ business, not something with which the kids should concern themselves. My family took a different approach. Growing up, my parents were fairly open about money (mostly how we didn’t have enough). They even let me balance their checkbook each month when I was in elementary school. I learned that every penny counted. My parents also made me save for things I wanted. Looking back, using my own money helped me to learn the value of a dollar.
When my kids were younger and wanted to buy books from Scholastic Book Club, I would have them circle what they wanted from the flyer. Of course, they would choose many books. I then sat them down and told them how much I would pay for the books. Anything they wanted above that amount would come from their own money. This helped them realize that money was not unlimited and that they didn’t need 20 books each month. I still take this approach quite often with shoes and other apparel items. I give them a budget of my contribution, and it is up to them to find something within that budget or pay the difference. Quite often, they find something reasonably priced because they don’t want to spend their own money on the item. If they desperately want something that I think may be more of an impulse, I encourage them to wait a week and see if they still have the same urgent desire for it. Usually, they pass on the item, but if they still want it, we know that it has a value to them.
Having a concept of the relationship of what things cost and how hard we have to work for them is an important life lesson. Budgeting should be a family activity. The sooner we learn to get our piggy banks in a row, the better off we are.
I knew that I had to pay for my college education. It made me work hard in high school to get the grades to help me earn scholarship money. It made the decision to save my money or spend it frivolously an easy one. It also helped me to appreciate my path to my degree even more. Working during college to earn money also helped me improve my time management skills.
The imbalance for me is that I always look to the future and really struggle to live in the present. I would rather put money away than spend today. That’s not to say that I don’t spend money. I love a good bargain and almost any pair of shoes! My husband has shed light on how being so focused on the future keeps me from enjoying the moment in front of me.
He loves life and has always lived for the moment. Between us, opposites definitely attracted. As frustrated as I get sometimes with his spending habits (“Did you NEED that?” “You want us to take another trip?”), he has definitely opened my eyes to enjoying today. I have traveled far more than I ever thought I would. He has convinced me to focus on enjoying experiences, including concerts, fine dining, travel, etc. It is delightful to enjoy something NOW. He convinced me to plan a short trip to San Antonio, Texas over Christmas break with the kids. It wasn’t something in our budget, and I gave him many reasons why we shouldn’t. He worked his magic. I finally gave in. We found an amazing deal on a beautiful hotel, and all three of the teenagers separately told us what a great get-away it was. By finding good deals, we didn’t run up debt, and we had a wonderful time making memories and connecting as a family.
I have rubbed off on my husband too. We were discussing a remodel job. He was full of ideas of all that we needed to do. Surprisingly, he came back to me and said he thought we should scrap some of the more grandiose parts of the plan because they wouldn’t bring a good return on investment (ROI) and he’d rather have the money put away for our next home (after all of the kids have moved out). After picking my jaw up off the floor, I threw my arms around him and told him that saving never looked so good on anyone! As time goes on, we are becoming better balanced and more financially healthy.
Tips to Improve Our Healthy Money Mentality
- Balance between saving and spending. Realize that keeping up with the Joneses is exhausting and taking away from our future financial health. Of course, “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” We have to enjoy our lives in the present too.
- Communication about money is critical with our significant other. Involving the whole family helps give the children a financial education that will prove invaluable. Push past the discomfort, figure out where all of the money is going, and work together to create a realistic budget that allows for anticipating future needs while enjoying the present. Sitting down each month and talking about how our actual spending and saving compare will help us figure out where we need to make adjustments.
- Planning for the future is necessary. Preparing for emergencies (ideally of 6 months of expenses) is a necessity, and so is investing for retirement (the earlier we start, the better). Having a college fund for our children is ideal, but they should be financially responsible for some costs. Putting money away for a rainy day will help us weather any storms along the way.
- Involving a professional like a financial advisor to help guide us is a great idea. Most of us wouldn’t be able to build a house with our own two hands; we would need to hire a professional builder. It’s the same with managing our money. Although it is uncomfortable to realize that we may be underfunded in your retirement accounts, the earlier we comprehend what we need to do, the easier it is to make the small sacrifices to keep us afloat later.
- Set financial goals, and reward ourselves along the way. When we reach a milestone, like a fully funded emergency fund, we should treat ourselves with something we can enjoy now.
- Appreciating delayed gratification is very important. Choosing to wait for something bigger and better instead of accepting something smaller now will help our money saving mentality. “Why buy this now? If I wait and save, I can have something nicer later!”
Working to implement these ideas into our financial planning will have a positive impact. Money doesn’t have to be so stressful. We would all want to have a little more, but planning and budgeting properly will help us achieve our goals and win!
What are some of your ideas for achieving a healthy money mentality?
Share your thoughts!